


Crossroads

by joelleeee



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Steve Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:14:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27219982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joelleeee/pseuds/joelleeee
Summary: Time and place didn't essentially matter. After high school and college, through the in and outs of success, work, love and heartbreak, they had become each others' safety pin. Almost two decades of knowing each other, they have stayed consistently the same while everything around them constantly kept changing. However, nowadays, he might finally be realizing the turmoil of their complicated relationship, or in other turns, perfect friendship.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov
Comments: 19
Kudos: 56





	1. Haven't we had enough of second best

**Author's Note:**

> Just some ideas that floated into my head I wanted to get out. Hope you enjoy!

Steve cannot pinpoint the exact moment when his feelings crossed the line into unbearable. What he knew for sure was that after a few burning sips of whiskey, his couch suddenly felt too big for a single person. Attempting to find a comfortable position, he shifted toward the middle. Whiskey was the scapegoat for his heart tonight; not absolutely able to think straight, his mind swirled with memories of her. Recounting all the chances that slipped quietly between his fingertips without warning, he squeezed his empty palms together. He recalled the last time he saw her, about six months ago, and it wasn't even an intentional meeting, they just happened to be invited to the same conference dinner. The image of her in that red dress haunted his dreams.

Coincidentally, after attending high school together and going off to different colleges, they ended up working in the same industry. However, with the overwhelming weight of their separate projects lately, being in the same city at the same time was extremely rare; so it was refreshing to have that evening together to catch up. He remembered how much they didn't want the night to end just sitting at the hotel bar with her talking until morning came. His jaw ached from smiling so much the day after; his mind made a mental note of how good it felt to be happy in the moment. Life was going by so fast that he hadn't realized how much he had really missed pushing down his personal feelings every chance he got.

_"Alright, gimme your count and don't be shy now." Natasha said. "Say 5 months?"_

_"Well, can't remember the last time I slept," Steve chuckled. "3, 7... beat that." He shot back the remainder of his whiskey and signaled the bartender for a refill on both their glasses. Nat tried to hide her sly smirk, but he saw her right brow cheekily shoot up. He leaned into his elbow on the table and turned his whole body toward her. "No way... Really?"_

_"5, 8..."_

_Absolutely astonished and amazed, Steve threw back a laugh with a hand pressed against his left chest. He turned to look at her with surrendered hands in the air. "I knew I was crazy, but you're absolutely insane."_

_She playfully shoved his chest. "Like you didn't know that already."_

_"You're serious? 5 countries and 8 cities? I don't believe you."_

_"Budapest, London, Toronto, Venice, LA, NY..."_

_Steve shaped his hands into a circle and put them over his mouth, turning in the direction of the bartender and customers, he megaphoned, "Can I get a plate of the hottest wings possible for the most insanely insane, yet still absolutely insanely beautiful woman---"_

_Natasha blushed as she shoved her the palm of her hand over his mouth. "Steve!" She almost couldn't hold back her laugh. "When did you become such an attention seeker?"_

_"You wound me. It's tradition to eat wings together in whatever city or town we find each other," Steve said, hand over heart._

_"I know... but you didn't have to let the whole world know."_

_"You know I'm only like this when I'm with you."_

_"So you don't get drunk with Sharon?" She joked._

_Steve took a hefty gulp of his drink, but he wasn't sad or upset. He looked a little pathetically relieved. "Actually... we broke up." He had a smidge of smile signaling that he's fine, but Natasha suddenly looked too serious._

_"Shit, I'm sorry. I didn't know." She moved her hand on top of his and her thumb caressed the back of his hand._

_"It's okay, my fault, I didn't tell you." They were looking straight into each other's eyes. It seemed like she was searching to find some answers in his eyes because she didn't know if she wanted to know what she wanted to know. "Say something."_

_"Why? I thought it was going well last time I saw you... in LA."_

_"She started talking about settling down." Steve looked down at his glass and started running his fingertips in circles around the rim. "And it was like I woke up. It just didn't feel right to me." He shrugged his shoulders. "I wasn't ready."_

_The sound of a long plate of hot wings being placed in front of them broke the painful silence._

All of that was aside from the fact that she also had a fiancé that didn't seem to particularly take to their friendship. Natasha had asked to grab lunch with him in the city about ten months ago, he was embarrassed how sick to his stomach that whole day made him feel, the memory still has the power to make him shudder. They went from talking about their upcoming projects for the new year and trying to see where their schedules lined up to him being quite blindsided. He proudly beamed at her before going in on a mindful piece of steak; however mid-chew, Natasha, almost under her breath, said, "Alexi proposed." His teeth gripped so tightly, Natasha could notice his jaw clenched. His eyes did a quick shift from his plate to her left hand, which didn't have a ring on it, he for sure he would have noticed. He let out a breath that he didn't know he was holding on to for so long. Looking up, she was staring at him with sympathy like she knew what was going in his head, but couldn't infer.  
`  
Staring blankly, he tapped his temple with his knuckles in attempt to stop the flare of thoughts. All was interrupted when his phone rang from the kitchen. Looking up and heading to the other room, the thoughts disappeared with every footstep, but not for long.

Glancing at the caller ID, his heart rate picked up. "Nat?"

"Hey," her voice sounded soft, but not in a pure and gentle way. Rather, it felt stripped of its usual colorful tone and echoed layers of weariness. "Did I catch you at bad time?"

Drinking alone wasn't exactly a good time, Steve actually had a lot on his mind recently, yet, his knees weakened at the sound of her voice, every time. Time and place didn't essentially matter. After high school and college, through the in and outs of heartbreak, love, and work, they had become each others' safety pin. However, nowadays, after almost two decades of knowing each other, he might finally be realizing the turmoil of their complicated relationship, or in other turns, perfect friendship.

"Never. You alright? You sound tired."

"When am I not tired?" He heard a sarcastically painful laugh on the other end. "Anyways... are you home?"

"Yeah... You thinking of stopping by Brooklyn or something?"

"Something like that... Depends if you're up for some company."

There was something special in how her words affected him. His heart fluttered a bit in his chest and he felt certain words aching in his thoughts just stuck in his throat; how he simply craved for her company all the time, even though it never felt like his right to request, so he was just grateful. He swallowed the words back down to the pit of his stomach and his lips curved into a sad definition of a smile as he spoke, "Doors always open. When you coming 'round?"

"You sure? Doesn't look like it from where I'm standing."

Steve furrowed his brows in confusion and walked to his foyer while holding the phone close to his ear. "Are you--" He opened his front door and there she was wearing a black jacket over a navy hoodie that seemed a couple sizes too big, her green eyes looked like they just experienced a flood. "Here."

"Surprise," Natasha softly said, biting her bottom lip as her lips tightly pressed into a genuine warm smile.

A soft laugh escaped him as he lowered his phone. "You mean to tell me you came all the way to my house and then thought to ask if I was home? What if I wasn't?" He asked slightly raising his eyebrow leaning his body against the doorframe.

"Is this your way of telling me to leave?" Nat just shrugged her shoulders, "cause I could just go..."

She faked a turn around, but Steve instinctually grabbed her wrist. "The correct answer was to wait for me. That's what I would've wanted you to do."

  
"Can always count on you Rogers," she pressed her body into his and edged them inside while wrapping her arms around his waist for a hug.

The top of her head was pressed against his chest and her scent overtook his senses: a sweet and sultry combination of vanilla and cherry. He snaked one of his arms around her and closed the door behind. Giving her a tight squeeze before heading toward his living room where she draped her black coat over the couch. She noticed the abandoned drink and glanced at Steve. "Any sorrows to share?"

His sorrows always tended to disappear into white noise when she was in front of him. Steve gazed down at his feet, and rubbed the back of his neck before looking up at her with her arms folded. "Can't think of any," he said.

Natasha gazed between his darkening blue eyes and sighed. "When did we start lying to each other?" Her fingers danced along the fabric of his couch as she said it almost under her breath like a whisper, not sure if she meant for it to be heard, but nonetheless, it rung in Steve's ears.

"Can I get you something to drink?" Steve said clearing his throat as he gestured toward the kitchen.

"Vodka?"

Steve laughed. "Of course."

Natasha sat down with her elbows resting on the kitchen counter as Steve shuffled to the cabinet, reaching far in the back for her favorite bottle of Vodka that frankly he never touched. If he was honest with himself, he only had it just in case Natasha came over. Everyone knew Steve always preferred whiskey, like the old man he was. Nat tapped her fingertips on the counter as she watched Steve gracefully poured her drink.

"So," Steve said as he slid the glass in front of her and leaning in with his elbows on the table. "What's going on?"

"Can't I just come see my best friend?" She didn't hesitate to down the whole shot. "Hits the spot every time," she said licking her lips. Steve's eyes couldn't help but shift down and up from her lips.

"When did we start hiding things from each other?" Flashing her a tight lipped smile, Natasha assumed he already heard the rumors, their friends can be quite gossipers in the most harmless way.

"So you know," she sighed. Her pointer finger tapped the stop on the table next to her glass and Steve poured her a refill. "You sure you don't want any?" He raised his eyebrow at her and his jaw tightened ever so slightly. "Well since you know, what's there to say? He's been cheating on me with God knows how many women at this point." Another one down the hatch and she started to feel the warmth of her cheeks. "Who told you? Well, it doesn't really matter I guess, should I really be surprised? I'm not sure how I feel, it's all so complicated, and add to that... pretty embarrassing too. After two years... I'm an idiot aren't I?" She let out a quiet laugh filled with self-loathing. She put her drink down and looked back up at Steve who was stoically staring at her with a flood of sympathy at her gates. "Don't look at me like that..."

"Nat..." Steve wasn't sure if he should cross the line, but he wanted to so badly this time because here she was unzipped of her confidence, raw and vulnerable. "Well, Alexi doesn't deserve you. I don't think he ever deserved you." 

"Steve, I'm not even sure what I deserve anymore. We've been engaged for almost a year and we're almost getting married for goodness sakes," she scoffed, tapping the table once again. "I thought it would be different this time... To be honest, I didn't think I was even the marriage type." Downing another drink, she combed her fingers through her hair and sighed. "Maybe because I travel 80% of the year, all these guys I date can't help it."

"What? Nat, no," Steve immediately interrupted. His voice was firm and he shifted his hand over hers and gave her a reassuring squeeze of self-esteem. "Fuck those guys. Fuck them. It's their fucking loss because you--you are..." He was biting his tongue. "There's no one like you. They should feel lucky to even have gotten a chance with you."

Nat slowly lifted her other hand to softly smooth the hair from Steve's face and traced her fingers along the side of his hair until his cheek came to rest in her palm. "You're always so sweet to me," she whispered with the smell of Vodka lingering.

Steve pressed his face a little deeper into her hand. "It's the truth."

"The truth feels subjective."

Nat glanced back and forth from his soften blue eyes suddenly she wasn't drowning in the alcohol anymore. The surface of her thumb brushed against the apple of his cheek. Her hand slipped to the nape of Steve's neck and she pulled him down until their lips were entangled. After the initial shock, Steve couldn't help but deepen the kiss; he could taste the burning alcohol on her lips. Reeling back into reality that she's drunk and not thinking straight. Steve forcefully pulled away. Stepping backwards, he nervously brushed his hands through his hair.

"It's getting late. I think you should really get some rest," Steve said. "You can take my room, you know the bathroom is better. I'll take the guest."

"Steve..."

"I'll help you set up."

Quickly, he took her hand and led her upstairs to the first door on the right; the master suite. Stumbling her footing on one of the steps, Steve caught her by the waist, and without hesitation lifted her up bridal style. Natasha didn't object at all, instead she circled her arms around his neck and curved her faced into the crook of neck; she noticed Steve didn't even look down at her, avoiding eye contact. Steve carefully kicked the door open with his foot and carried her over to the bed and laid her gently on top. Natasha was well familiarized with Steve's room because every time she crashed at his place, he always insisted she stayed in the best room of the house. He had the comfiest king sized bed, oddly sometimes she fell asleep more easily on his bed than her own. Steve was the most caring person she knew, and she always told him whoever ends up with him would be treated like a queen. She was reluctant to release the grasp around him until Steve awkwardly cleared his throat.

"Let me know if you need anything, you know I'm just down the hall," he said as he turned to quickly head toward the door. 

Natasha heard the door click and he was gone. Swinging her legs over the side of the bed to get up, she noticed a sketchbook on the nightstand, usually there was nothing on the table. She knew Steve had a habit of doodling on everything back in high school, so curiosity got the best of her and she flipped through a couple pages. With her eyebrows raised, astonished at how incredible they were. Beautifully pencil drawn sketches of nature. She stopped at a particular sketch not of landscape, her mouth dropped in shock of not only how carefully detailed every line was drawn, but she was looking at her own reflection; it was a sketch of her at the conference dinner they were at together six months ago, she could recognize the dress. 


	2. Running near on empty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, thanks for all the wonderful comments on the story! I'm very surprised and inspired by the response :) Please enjoy this part as my gratitude.

Natasha fluttered her eyes open to the bright sun drenched room. She stared up at the white ceiling and took a long deep inhale, letting out an overdue release of relief. The most refreshing morning air to reach her lungs in months; it had been a while since she slept so soundly. She looked down at the sketch book still clutched between her hands; she must have fallen asleep holding onto it. Turning onto her side body, she held the book level with her eyes as she opened the bookmarked page between her fingers. A smile slowly crept onto her face. The sketch of her red dress reminded her of how sweet that night was; it was like coming up for air after a long, long time. She almost regretted how the night ended, she was only human with natural tendencies for the law of attraction; however, it was more than just her mind thirsting for him like a drought in the desert begging for rain; her eyes fell deeper into his and she was swimming in the depths of his oceans, going somewhere she'd never been, but Steve's moral compass always brought them back to reality.

_After several drinks, Natasha was most definitely drunk, yet Steve was just a little tipsy. He always handled his liquor well; his body processed it way better than anybody else. Natasha was a smart girl, she'd never let herself get this intoxicated, only with Steve did she let herself do things she normally wouldn't do because she trusted him without hesitation. They were coming off the elevator on the 40th floor and Steve had his arm hooked around her waist keeping her upright._

_"Alright, what room are you in?"_

_"Planning on continuing the night?" Natasha smirked. Her flirtation could get them into serious trouble._

_"Walking you home is what I'm planning," Steve responded in an I-mean-business tone. He was too sweet for his own good._

_"No fun. 4005." Though she was still smiling, cheekily._

_"You've got a flight to catch in 5 hours, the least you could do is sleep for 3," Steve said as they reached the front of her hotel room door. "Key?"_

_A sly grin smeared across her face as she held his gaze while she reached her hand inside the top of her strapless dress, down by her right breast and pulled out a black card. Natasha was never easy, but she was worth it, even though she made it very hard for him not cave into all the things he was missing out on. Steve gulped down his enthusiastic lust and kept his eyes steadily on her, his temptation to glance down almost made him break a sweat._

_"Are you sure you don't want to come in?" Natasha faced her body toward him and back to the door and she used a backhand to swipe the key card, unlocking the door. Her hand pushed down on the handle and she held the door against her instead of pushing in. Her heart was beating so quickly inside of her chest, she was nervous he might hear it. Her mind could only see and think of him right now and she felt nothing else, especially the diamond ring on her left hand. She had been going through the motions, and this moment with Steve brought her back to the surface and she really didn't want to go back down. Maybe she was hoping that he could take her even higher._

_There was such sincerity and comfort in the way she said it. It was sexy, but it wasn't just filled with lust like a one-night-stand or the mere alcohol talking. Her green eyes looked clear as day unwaveringly staring him straight in the eyes, and it sounded like he was being called home after being turbulently lost. He blinked a few times thinking the image before him might disappear, but her smile only became wider each time. Their world that formed when they were together, the one that protected them like a bubble, might have felt perfectly in place; however, the world that they lived in outside of that wouldn't make sense of it. Sometimes it felt like nothing else existed; time, place, people all seemed disparate. The moments they shared together felt like they ran on stolen time, pulled out of the line, making memories that were sacred and secret only to them, and when it was over, everything would be put back into place. So the truth is, falling into bed together wouldn't do them any good; they might be hurting other people, and end up hurting themselves. The reality just wasn't that simple._

_"Where you off to?"_

_She bit her bottom lip and smiled at the ground at the subtle rejection even though she knew deep down that Steve wouldn't take the bait, but for some particular reason the feeling was so dire; it suddenly made her feel sad. ""New York. How about you?"_

_"Boston." The night was coming to a close, and the air was becoming short and hard to breathe again. Because they rarely had the chance to see the other, goodbyes were more difficult, nearly impossible. The word rang in his ears, but never left his lips. "Well, I should head back to my room too... My flight is in 6 hours."_

_With a saddened smile she looked at him. "Right... Catch you at the airport then." She reached out both her arms and tightly wrapped them around his neck, pulling him into her for a warm embrace. "I'll see you," she whispered into his ear._

_He buried his face a little deeper into the crease of her small neck and savored the moment._

_In a couple hours, Steve actually caught a glimpse of her at the airport at her terminal waiting in line to enter the gate as he was on his way to his own terminal. She didn't notice him, and he just admired her for a split second before moving along. He didn't want to have a brief goodbye. It always seemed like they were just barely catching each other never perfectly matching up for too long; two lonely ships passing in the night. In the back of their minds, they always wondered when and where they'd meet again._

Natasha's quiet morning was stirred by a gentle knock on the door.

"Nat? You up?" Steve called. "I made your favorite breakfast."

She smiled into the pillow before sitting up right and swinging her legs off the side of the bed. She got up and headed toward his drawers and quickly grabbed one of his large t-shirts, tugging it over her head. "Come in."

Steve opened the door slowly and peaked his head in causing an immediate smile gazing at her naturally gorgeous demeanor; her sexy bed hair, bare-faced, in just an over-sized shirt, his oversized shirt matter-of-fact.

"Mind if I borrow?" Natasha teased tugging her the hem of the grey Harvard shirt.

"Seems too late to say no," he chuckled. "I think it suits you better than me." Rubbing the back of his head, "I made chocolate chip pancakes."

"It's been a while," she smiled from cheek to cheek. Her shoulder brushed his forearm as she passed him by the door. She sneaked a quick peck to his cheek before racing downstairs. "Thank you."

Steve smiled to himself as he stepped toward his bed, tiding up the comforter until he shuffled his sketch board out from underneath. It was face down, but turning it over to realize the page it was on. He paused for a moment before quickly closing it and shoving it in the drawer of the nightstand, feeling a little heat of embarrassment if she saw. He headed down to the kitchen to the sight of Natasha shoving a pancake slice into her mouth.

"I think I've died and gone to heaven," she moaned. "The best sleep and the best breakfast. This is a dream and I never want to wake up." She bit into another piece while poured more syrup on top of her stack.

Steve couldn't help but grin like an idiot with the idea painted in his head. Waking up every morning to Natasha in his kitchen wearing his clothes that were too big on her, felt too good to be true. Who could possibly need anything else? He savored the image his mind had taken.

"That good huh?"

"Better than sex," she mumbled with her mouth full.

"We talkin' all about sex or," Steve joked raising an eyebrow.

"Maybe I just can't remember. It's been like 4 months," she shrugged nonchalantly.

Steve almost spit out his coffee, instead he just coughed on it. "You're joking."

She raised her eyebrow in all seriousness. "You would be surprised... With all the traveling, he doesn't really take advantage of every time we see each other..." She put the last pancake slice into her mouth. "Now at least I know why, he actually wasn't holding out the entire time."

"That crazy, stupid bastard," Steve murmured into his mug.

The interruption of Natasha's phone vibration killed the conversation causing the dreamy image to crack into reality. She reached into the pocket of her jacket draped across the chair beside her. Looking at the caller ID, she let out a sigh before answering.

"Hello?"

_"Babe, where are you? I just got in after my flight. You're not home," Alexi said._

"Forgot you were coming home today. Had to go run some errands for work."

_"Well, when are you going to get back?"_

"Later tonight." She glanced up at Steve who had turned his back toward her to face the window in the kitchen looking outside. "Look I gotta go, finish some stuff up. I'll see you later."

_"Okay, call me. Love you."_

She couldn't barely suppress her scoff. "Mkay, bye." She hung up and stressfully combed her hands through her hair. 

Steve turned around as soon as the phone call ended and noticed the entire morning mood had shifted; the safety of their bubble had burst. "Alexi?"

"Yeah."

"Does he know you know?"

"No." She smiled sarcastically almost trying to hide her stress and disgust.

"When are you going to tell him?"

Somehow the sound of Alexi's voice ruined her entire morning and made her feel sick to her stomach again; Steve felt like a remedy to it all, but it wasn't enough, she'd have to go back to her world without him and the short escape would have just been that of a minor detour. "I don't know," she sighed. She covered her face with her hands and fanned them out passed her ears brushing her hair back. "I don't want to think about it. It just makes me so fucking angry and pathetic."

"Then dump his dumb ass," Steve said firmly not meaning to slam his mug so hard on the table.

He gets a laugh out of Natasha because she didn't expect Steve's hostility toward Alexi; he had never once brought up what he thought about him the entire duration of their relationship, even after they got engaged. "Or what? You going to go beat him up for me?" She teased.

"You know, I just might."

"Well, I won't stop you," she said comically surrendering her hands in the air.

"He'll never see it coming." They both smiled. Steve really just wanted the best for her because he genuinely believed she deserved a deep amount of love and respect and he wanted her to believe it too. Not realizing how close he was getting, his elbows slid on the table leaning closer to her while she sat upright in her seat, with their eyes gazed upon each others. 

"I can fight my own battles, Rogers," she said quietly with a small smile. 

"I know you can. But I'm here if you need me. Always."

"Always?"

"Till the end of the line."

"My knight in shining armor," she sang as she hopped off the seat. She walked over to Steve and hugged him on her bare tippy-toes. "Thank you for last night and this morning. I needed this more than you know."

Pulling away, Steve kept his hold on her waist and smiled warmly at her. Little did she know he was feeling under the weather too, and she had pulled him out of the lonely woods. "Nat, I just want what's best for you." She was smiling back at him. "You deserve someone that dreams about you when you're laying right next to them. Someone that calls you to come home and waits for you at the door."

"Are you even real?" She teased while mildly shaking her head trying to conceal the hitch in her breathing. "I bet you haunt a lot of women's dreams." She brought both her hands up to the sides of his face and held them softly. She proudly smiled at what a wonderful man her best friend was; his heart too big for this world, so grounded and rooted in his authenticity and goodness, what a gentle and beautiful soul he carried. How lucky she felt to not only be born during the same time period he was, but to also know and cherish him so closely. "Whatever woman catches you Rogers, she's going to be the luckiest out all of us."


	3. If only I'd have known you had a storm to weather

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's taking so long to update, I haven't been very inspired, but I get bursts here and there. Please enjoy the chapter and let me know your thoughts :)

Natasha's mind was filled with silence as she wondered how she was going to confront Alexi when she reached their awfully large penthouse apartment in the Upper East Side, where she knew he was waiting. Her reluctance to leave her best friend this morning poked at her; the comfort of Steve's words and safety of his presence felt divinely unmatched. It seemed like anytime she wanted to run away from the real world where her problems and responsibilities loomed like a grey cloud over her, she always gravitated toward him. In the quiet taxi, she unconsciously smiles to herself as she recalled the tasteful memory of the chocolate chip pancakes from this morning and all the other times. Of course chocolate chip pancakes doused in sweet syrup wasn't healthy in the slight, but they were nostalgically delicious...

"We are here miss," the driver said, bursting the memory that Natasha was being pulled into.

Natasha tapped her card on the machine and handed the driver a tip. "Thank you." She slowly slid out of the car and took a deep breath before walking into the lobby. She had been living in the building for the past 5 years and Jarvis was the only security guard she ever saw, it was like the man never slept, but looked as if it was always noon, nonetheless she absolutely adored him. He had seen her on some of her best nights, where she would get all glammed up for galas and conference dinners in designer dresses and suits with 5-inch heels, but also some of her absolute worst... during some of Alexi and hers heated arguments, she would storm out and he would try to run after her, and they ended up streaming in the lobby until he went back up and she was left crying in the lobby. She remembered Jarvis said to her after Alexi and her fought about her conference dinner in California on the same night as his work party that he wanted her to attend as his plus one, "Why is he the one chasing you out of your own apartment? If someone should leave, it most definitely makes more sense that it should be him."

"Good afternoon Miss Romanoff," Jarvis greeted. "No luggage this time?"

"Thought I should go lighter from now on," she lightly joked. "That way I can go whenever I please."

"Oh dear... does this have anything to do with Mr. Shostakov?" Jarvis shook his head. "Well, it's really none of my business."

"You've quite literally seen it all... your business or not," Natasha chuckled. "Well, I suppose I better get going... I assume you saw him come in?"

"Indeed."

She rode the elevator all the way up to the top floor in silence, all but the humming of the machinery. The doors opened wide and she stepped into the apartment, and from a glance, it appeared exactly as she left it a week ago.

"Babe, is that you?" She heard Alexi call out from around the corner.

"Yeah... you expecting someone else?" She rounded the corner and he greeted her by immediately pulling her into an embrace and pecking her lips.

"I missed you. How was your trip?" He said with his arms roped around her waist. He was smiling at her and he smelled like pine wood; the scent took her back to their first date at a quiet bar in the Upper East Side two years ago. His company hired a consultant from her firm and the assignment was given to her. The size of the team he was on that she worked with on the project was massive, over 20 people. That was many names, faces and personalities to get to know in very little time. Within all those people, Alexi didn't necessarily stand out from the rest, other than relentlessly cracking jokes in silent moments or inappropriate situations... so she was taken off guard on the last day of the project launch when he asked her out. She didn't think too long and serious about it; she had a bit of time to kill with this gig being close to home and she was direly single. A mindless date turned into her fiancé... it felt like she blinked and everything changed without her even noticing and she wondered what happened in all the moments in between.

"Babe?"

"Hm?" The train of thought left her and she glanced at his eyes staring at her. "It was good... LA, you know always nice and toasty." She glanced behind him and noticed he cleaned up the apartment; everything seemed to be put in place, every book on the shelf and pillow on the couch. "How was it at your parents?"

"My parents?" He said, but immediately corrected himself. "Oh yeah, well you know them, same old, same old. I think they might be thinking about getting a dog. Keyword, think... or might."

"Right... tell me more about it... but first I've really got to take shower." She escaped his arms and scurried to their bedroom. She threw her bag on the bed and walked toward her bedside table on the right where she begun taking off her jewelry. She usually had a book and a candle on her nightstand, but she noticed Alexi's watch case there instead. She strangely walked to the other side and traced her fingers along the perfectly made bed, every single pillow fluffed and decorative pillow put in place, one in front of the other. On the left side of the bed, which Alexi always slept on, there was her book and candle. She tapped her fingers momentarily on the cover of the book. She decided she was too tired and really needed to clear her head, so she went straight to the master bathroom with the thought that a shower could wake her up.

She turned on the shower and begun stripping off her two day old clothes as they pooled into a mess at her feet. She picked up the crimson Harvard t-shirt she borrowed from Steve that she was wearing underneath her oversized sweater and hung it over the rack, while she kicked the rest of the mess aside. She stepped inside the shower and the heat of the water droplets brought immediate relief to her body as she let out a long sigh. She closed her eyes to soak in the silence before lathering the calming lavender-scented body wash over her body. Her peace was abruptly interrupted when the door swung open and Alexi barged in.

"Thought I could use a shower too," he said cheekily as he pulled his shirt over his head and threw on top of her mess. Before she could utter a response, the glass door opened and he stepped into her space. Though their shower was more than enough for two, or even three or four people, she wished she had a moment to herself to gather her thoughts, but honestly she was feeling a little too tired and defeated to disagree or fight. She could travel to 10 cities in 10 days and run on 2 hours of sleep and still kick ass, but why did the idea of her heart breaking deplete her of any willpower she had?

What she wanted seemed simple; however, the reality of its simplicity was complicated in its rareness. She wanted to be loved, but also to believe in it. She wanted it to be real; love that she could feel inside her bones, running through her veins, but also at her fingertips too. Sometimes the feeling of tiredness and defeat creeped up on her and all she had the will to do was pretend; imagine that everything was okay and exactly the way she wished it was. A vice she identified so well, but she justified it every time with the reasoning that probably somebody else out there was also feeling the same way. It made her feel less lonely in this imaginative world she had created.

She felt his wet, yet cold body pressed against the warmth of her back. It had been months since they had an intimate moment or she'd been touched. In her weariness, her craving for intimacy was getting the better of her, so she let him have her.

Natasha slipped into a comfortable pair of sweats and a hoodie after the shower. She was standing in front of the mirror in the bedroom drying her hair with a towel, as Alexi came out of the bathroom with his towel still wrapped around his waist.

"Is this yours?" Alexi asked holding up the Harvard t-shirt.

"Yeah, can you hand it up. I've got to wash it later," Natasha responded without a second thought.

Unsatisfied with her answer, he stood there leaning against the door frame with the shirt clutched in his balling fist. "Where did you get this? You didn't go to Harvard."

Continuing to pay little attention to him, she continued to towel dry the ends of her hair. "Thanks for the information... It's mine, if you don't want it in the bathroom, here," she walked over to him and tried to grab the shirt from his hand, but his held it grip on it tighter.

"Natasha I'm serious right now. Where did you get this from." Both their hands holding onto the shirt, she looked up at him and glanced between his eyes with a tight-lipped expression. "Didn't your friend Steve go to Harvard?"

"...Yes," Natasha answered. "He did."

"Well, is this his?"

"I said it's mine."

"Natasha!" Alexi said raising his voice. "That's not what I asked."

"So what if it is!" Natasha yelled back. "He's my best friend, we're allowed to give each other things!" She finally got a grip on the shirt and ripped it out of his grasp.

"Are you sleeping with him?"

Natasha scoffed in disbelief. She ran her hand through her hair to ease her building frustration, she held the back her hair and she replied, "Are you kidding me right now?"

"Does it look like I'm kidding? You're fucking that golden boy behind my back aren't you? I always knew something was up with the two of you..."

With all that she knew, the anger was jumping out of her bones she could sock him in the eyes, but instead she stormed out of the room.

"Hey!" Alexi yelled after her. "Natasha, come back!" He caught up to her quickly because she made the mistake to grab her bag. He held her wrist to get her attention, but she tried to throw him off. "You can't just walk out of this conversation. We're not done here."

She stopped putting on her shoes for a second and glanced up at him. Her face was millimeters away from his and she looked him straight in the eyes with her teeth gripped. "I think it's really funny that you're accusing me of fucking someone behind your back when our apartment has clearly been deep cleaned and organized to the point where things are in the wrong fucking places, and the way you lied straight through your teeth about spending last week with your parents when I called your mom and she said you hadn't stopped by. And FYI, not that it fucking matters at this point, but I'm not sleeping with Steve, but you know what I wish I was because he really cares for me. So yeah, I think we're done here."

\---

"Mr. Rogers, good afternoon, what brings you here?" Jarvis said as Steve walked through the revolving doors.

"Jarvis, I'm telling you, it's okay to call me Steve," he laughed. "Anyways, Nat just left something at my place, and I'm sure she would want this back." He held up a black iPhone, which was indication that it was her work phone because her personal phone was white. "As we both know the workaholic she is..."

"Do you not identify as a workaholic, Mr. Rogers?"

Steve pretended to look offended putting his right hand up against his left pec. "Hey, well, I will have you know I'm actually taking a little break right now, so let's call it a vacation."

"You should teach Miss Romanoff about those," Jarvis interjected. "She has seemed awfully stressed lately, as in more than per usual."

"Yeah?" Steve knew Natasha has been dealing with a lot on her plate. He knew the more stress she had the more she piled on because it would distract her from different problematic factors. He couldn't help, but be nosey. "How so?"

Jarvis stared at Steve just momentarily with the same expression he always has on, wide-eyed and stern. Jarvis has interpreted the depth of Nat and Steve's relationship for myself because as a doorman and security guard, he was quite the people-watcher. Though he acted reserved himself, he understood language, both spoken and body more profoundly than the average person. He has seen the way Natasha walked into the building when Steve was by her side, a type of smile he never saw otherwise on her. She walked in differently when she came in alone, or with Alexi, or even all dolled up on her way out to a glamorous event. When she walked beside Steve, it sounded like she was light as a feather, soft and pillowy footsteps. Jarvis has also seen Steve carry Natasha home on his back; she was wearing a beautiful long black dress, but Steve had on navy sweatpants and a hoodie, which could only be interpreted as pajama attire, as well as holding her 5-inch stilettos in one hand. It was quite obvious to Jarvis that Steve Rogers had a soft spot for Natasha Romanoff.

"Well--" Jarvis was interrupted by a loud commotion coming from the elevator.

The doors opened into chaos. "Let go of me! I have nothing left to say!" Natasha yelled as she pushed Alexi off her bag.

"Okay, okay. You don't have to say anything! Just give me a second to explain," he begged as grabbed her arm both coming out of the elevator doors.

"Hey, hey, hey," Steve rushed over to Nat before she even realized he was standing there. She looked up into his calming blue eyes; safe place.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me."


End file.
